‘We must be willing to get rid of the life planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.’

~ Joseph Campbell ~

there was a time I had quite the broken heart.

well, there have been a few times actually, not many, but a few

but this one was different

because my heart was broken IN the relationship with this particular boyfriend which never quite sat well with me as you can imagine

so one day I said ‘that’s enough of that’

and I sent him on his way

I must confess that it was harder than it sounds

but deep down inside I really felt like I was doing something I was meant to be doing all along

So now I had a broken heart all by myself and the ‘future’ which was once before me completely evaporated in a devastating landslide

it was scary but I don’t think as scary as being IN a relationship with a broken heart

what can I say? after he left I remember

crying a lot

drinking red wine a lot

reading a lot of sad poetry

writing a lot of bad poetry

and sometimes thinking ‘what’s the use’

as I limped along my crooked little path

I was pretty miserable.

then

it’s hard to say when exactly

but eventually I began to get quite a bit tired of this and said “that’s enough of that’ (again)

and I started doing beautiful things instead of staying home and crying

and this is my favorite part of my little story

there was learning to play the guitar

and writing funny little sonnets

and singing

and dancing on rooftops

and wonderful, funny, kind and creative new friends

and steadfast, understanding and funny, creative old friends

bicycling along the canal

and even an unexpected and very lovely kiss

I made lists of things I wanted to do

and then did other things instead

I also remember wearing a lot of skirts and t~shirts in various amarinthe hues

I fell down

and got back up

and every now and then I would look back

(but not for long)

because i was flowing along like water over river stones

‘go to the light!’ my friend Lily would say ‘keep going towards the light!‘

I even began to fall in love again

with everyone and everything

(mostly with myself come to think about it, but in that good, most necessary way)

I was so happy!

I AM happy.

I LIVED my way into the happiness.

The other day my friend Amanda and i were pondering things together and I told her I was open, vulnerable and hopeful for love. I told her there was so much learning in life and so little time. And she, in all her sweet and wonderful wisdom said to me….

‘that is why we must
keep moving
keep loving
keep growing
keep going’

xoxo

Maddie

REEL TIME!!!

so good!!

even better!!!

This morning I received such a beautiful email from Eliza, one of the artist’s taking my ‘Photography and the Wonder of Seeing’ online course.

Morning!

Hope yours a lovely weekend. Being part of your course inspired me, last weekend, to make a small film…not at all grand, but rather lovely and shot with the 8mm movie camera app on my iPhone. I have set it to Bach’s Solo Cello Prelude , it’s just gorgeous.

Was shot last weekend down on the Tanzania coast near us, blissfull!!!!

Cheers, Eliza

Needless to say I was enchanted and I think I have watched it, oh a thousand times already. It’s just that perfect. You can visit her blog here….

Needless to say this made me feel so happy that she was inspired by my photography course
so

so

SO!!

In order to celebrate ~ simply by leaving a comment in today’s post you can win a space in my next ‘Photography and the Wonder of Seeing’ online course beginning in September. Wooooot! The comments will be closed Wednesday evening and the winner will be announced on Thursday.

I just love a giveaway!

and so…you can enter twice!!

here! over at my friend Susan Tuttle’s blog

xoxo

Maddie

Oh this guitar. I love it so.

Yesterday evening I sort of hit a wall. Or a mountain, rather. Walls I can move, but not mountains:) I was weary and restless and feeling entirely lackluster after a wave of working so intensely on several projects at once, forgetting to eat (when I am steeping in the creative gusts I often forget to eat or even come up for air, (hence the dispirited exhaustion I suddenly find myself faced with after) and even missed my yoga class two days in a row.

This malaise hovered around my spirit and even a long walk on the beach with my dog did not dispel the weighfulness in my being.

So last last night I had a long quiet bath (sea salts and cider vinegar for an extra detox) made a steaming cup of yerba matte and settled my weary soul out on my little porch off my studio to close my eye for a while. I could smell the sea mixed with ribbons of conifers and poppies and I wished I could wrap the forest around my bones.

A beautiful impulse.

I picked up my guitar instead.

My playing is improving just a little ways at a time ~ nothing to sing about except to my own happy soul that finds a new way to sculpt the longings and movements of my heart. I ended up fingering those strings for over an hour. Gently finding chords and chord progressions that hovered wonderingly over that melancholic weariness and then, refusing to be held captive by my mood…threading it’s way in a roving confidence towards weighlessness.

Weightlessness!

My heart trotted out a little Charleston like dance in my chest and my spirit joined in close behind to reclaim life in a buoyant affirmation.

I went to bed early.

Content and uplifted, hopeful and renewed. I felt like a tumbled piece of seaglass washed ashore into the morning sunshine.

Really, I should NAME this guitar. Will have to ponder that one. If you have any suggestions please leave them in the comments!

I am feeling so happy this morning…off to shoot some images for a possible book cover ~ working on this mood of photo. and this shoot produced this image which seems to be the winner.

and i made a little film ~ see? everyday a brand new day:)

love and happiness,

tumbles of j o y to all

xoxo

maddie

Don’t you just love love LOVE snail mail? I am quite the snail mail junkie and absolutely relish sending off hand written letters and little found gifts via the post. Just this week I finally started sending off the music cd’s I made for a trade and other various letters to dear friends with feathers enclosed from walks on the beach. I almost went mad when the post went on strike a few weeks ago.

Anyway.

You will be enchanted. This week I received a lovely letter from my friend Elizabeth and she sent me the oh~so~sweet original typed poem you see above. And this is what she penned to me about that very same poem…

‘Maddie!!!

Lots of love,
Elizabeth

I more than savored this…simply holding the typed (TYPED!!!) poem in my hands changed me in some lovely and delicate way I simply cannot describe. A strange and beautiful wistfulness permeated that little poem. It was such an honor to receive his wandering words of love from my thoughtful friend Elizabeth. True ardor is the very best gift! Seriously though, I am so curious who the woman is that inspired this ode to love…I wish I could meet him and ask him oh, a hundred questions:)…by the way, remember this scene?

It’s Friday sweetpeas! I am going to a belly dancing party this weekend with my friends and needless to say will be having quite a lot of fun picking out my costume. It’s lovely to be given the opportunity to dress up in sexy attire and swivel my hips around to music all night long. There is a strong possibility we might henna our hands as well so perhaps I will have some pictures to share next week.

And ohhhhhhh…you must listen to this...it took my breath away from the first delicious pluck of string and movement of her moon eclipsed voice. Some gorgeous dancin’ on my soulbones here. Please don’t pass this by!!! Aaaaaaaand…the gorgeously talented Bonnie M Smith has started a blog exploring her creative process ~ it has a fabulous title ‘hand eye diary’ go see!

Buckets of happiness for everyone this weekend!

Maddie

ps ~ I am a little bewildered but there are only 11 spots left in my ‘wonder of seeing’ photography class for SEPTEMBER!! Woooot!!! thank you!!!

xoxo

The truth is (I love starting blog posts with this line)…the truth is I am pining. A bit. Well, actually that is not true. I am pining a LOT. My weekend in Seattle hanging out with the vivacious couple you see above was completely fantastic. Right now I am sitting in my studio with the door open off my little deck (the chili pepper lights have been on since I woke up at 5 a.m) drinking an entire french press of mexican coffee and feeling quite sorry for myself.

I miss them. I mean, look at them! Are they not completely one hundred percent adorable? Ben is so warmhearted and funny (in a dry, quick way) a fabulous cook, a delightful and gifted musician…and a lover.

A lover of Wynia to be exact who is…breathtaking, passionate and an imaginative artist, a force of soul driven energy that lights up a room before she even arrives and one of the most generous woman I know. Generous with everything…her time, her clothes…her smile, her ideas and her heart. She gives love away every second of every day.

Oh! and getting back to the region of imagination she is the most awesome designer of the bubble wrap dress.

See for yourself.

Saturday was the Fremont Solstice parade which just happens to go right past Wynia’s studio where she managed to have an open house party all day long and well into the evening. There were endless bottles of champagne, food, laughter and bins of costumes just in case you forgot to wear one and felt left out.

If you click on this link to Reel time you can see my video of the parade but I have to warn you the clip has a lot of naked people riding bicycles. Which I have a feeling you are going to love. I did.

I found a costume as well.

But it was the hat that that grabbed me.

I am very fond of hats.

Wynia and Ben have a magical little apartment just down the street from the studio with a secret garden. But they let me sleep in the studio. It has a LOFT!!! Just like the studio’s on Prince street in New York. No bedroom exactly. But much much better.

So.

Late, late into the night after all the partying was over,I climbed up these funny little stairs to the loft which was filled with books and odd collectibles, baskets of honey bee wax and a cozy bed heaped with vintage bedspreads. It was heaven. I fell asleep listening to the happiest music drifting along from the cafe down the street.

In the morning I puttered down those said stairs to the kitchen, made myself some coffee, a platter of cheese and olives and baguette. I sat in the studio and wrote in my journal, downloaded some films and watched the early morning world buzz right by the front door.

It was bliss.

And I don’t use that word often. Then Ben and Wynia and Rhubin showed up and we had more coffee and hugged and chatted and I felt so warm and happy and sparkly ~ just like a bosa nova band now that I think about it.

I know what you are thinking. That it couldn’t get much better than this.

But it did.

drummmmmmmmmmmmmmmrooooollllllllllllllllllllllll please!

Because!!! When Wynia and I were walking Rhubin by the canal along comes the brilliant, positively MAGICAL Amanda Ford!! Yes! And I have the picture to prove it!!

We went for coffee together at e.t.g. coffee on 36th avenue.

I know. There has been a lot of coffee in this post.

I cried when I met Amanda. For real. Burst straight into tears and we leapt into each others arms. I seriously love this woman.

Anyway.

You can see why I am pining.

Maybe you can even see why I might have to move to Seattle one day.

I am thankFUL. For these friends, for the weekend which was sooo good for my soul. For the abundance of love and joy and magic in my life.

Amen!

xoxo

Maddie

WAIT!!!!!

one more thing!

Ben! rehearsing in the studio behind the studio if that makes any sense at all…

My girlfriend Catherine came over this weekend. I love this girl so much. She always brings gifts. Which is not why I love her but it certainly is delightful nonetheless. This time it is was a Trader Joe’s swiss chocolate bar and oatmeal/aniseed hand made soap. (my bathroom smells so wonderful!) We went for a walk on Crescent beach and chatted nonstop until we realized it was 1:30 in the morning and the wine was all gone. (and the chocolate too come to think about it)

My entire weekend was filled with exquisite moments and lots of laughter, little bees and sonnets.

Yesterday morning for example I got up very very (very!) early, slipped on sandals, a skirt, a pale pink sleeveless top and wandered down to the local coffee shop. It was a pretty ‘wander’…the lane was scattered with poppy petals and the fading scent of lilacs and even strawberries for some odd reason. One cottage had green shutters.

I ordered a double caffè macchiato and chocolate croissant and sat on the wooden steps out front in the sunshine scoping all the seapeople arriving with picnic baskets and yellow pails and paisley blankets. Little bees bumped against my bare knees and everyone said ‘good morning’ (still sleepy) as the deck filled up with newspapers and small dogs and beautiful exclamations for the perfect summer day (and all the while the sky kept opening up above, golden)

Oh, I must have been there for almost two hours! My skin has a soft caramel glow and the first constellation of freckles are appearing.

I love coffee shops.

They sing to my bones.

Later I sat out on the little balcony off of my studio penning hand written letters to friends….moving my chili pepper lights around and listening to this album and thinking. A lot of distance was covered in my heart and I practiced the guitar…tidal ebbs undulating through my voice as I sang like a passion flower unfurling.

I cannot remember ever being happier.

What are you up to this week dear hearts?

xoxo

Maddie

~ ‘on the road’ shot with a spectra camera, sofftone film ~ available here ~

If I have my way I will own a VW Van just like this one by the end of the year. It does not matter that I cannot afford one…I believe in the magic of the Universe. The end.

Perhaps one just like this…

When I spied this beauty I went, Hey!, time for a roadtrip!

I have been practicing my guitar…listening to this quite stunning duo made me realize how far I have to go…listen up, trust me you will love them. ‘Triumphant’ music at it’s best.

This week…I am participating in the Exquisite Corpse collective…you can see my sliver here and I have decided to add a few original hand signed polaroids to my shop and this baby is the first up:)

Oh! and this morning I listened to such a classic and moving tiny desk concert which melted my heart into a puddle.

Happy Thursday all you beautiful souls!!

xoxo

Maddie

one more thing! this THIS is so hysterical!!!

‘Where is the soul?
where is the soul?

Go out in the woods,
go out.
Go out in the woods,
go out.
Go out in the woods,
go out’.

~ ‘the wolf’s eyelash’ ~ by C.P. Estes ~ (from ‘rowing songs for the night sea journey, contemporary chants’)

I read a line recently in this book that I am reading for, oh the fifth time at least, which exalts how the beauty of the soul shines through when an individual is truly being themselves. I know this ‘shining’ as a heat in my belly and it is a true compass, an emerald green thread twining around all things my soul takes euphoric part in all that is a pure expression of myself. Thank you!!!!

My soul is so beautifully in heat the past month and I feel completely on the edge of some exhilerating new transformation ~ there is this crazy mad energy shooting through me so catastrophically and at the same time magically. I don’t quite know if I am leaving or arriving but for sure it is freedom either way. (I know because I just know)

I am making love with my life.

When my energy is this meteoric I go the wilds ~ to the midnight moon, the swooning trees, the sea and the song…and I surrender. The past few days I have been reading down by the water, my back sinking into the favorite bleached log as I breathe in all the graceful outer magesty of my surroundings. My eye is invariably drawn to the horizon line as the rhythm of the tide seduces my soul with such awesome and mesmeric beauty, each longing cell clamoring for the warm touch of the sun.

Lately I have carried a small notebook in my pocket since the unwinding landscape ignites me with so many fresh ideas which completely makes sense and apparently Brian Eno would agree as well. When I am ‘at sea’ I know in my heart that all I am seeking is also seeking me so I surrender, I lie very still.

It has been a very good month all around. Daily yoga, nourishing meals, lots of green smoothies and deep morning writing (excavating inner emotions) My body grows stronger each day, my eyes brighter, my voice more rapturous…my heart drumming ever louder the cry of deep love, my soul singing up to the sky. Sooooo good! And while I am here and remembering I have a new favorite salad dressing I make ~ balsamic vinegar, tahini, olive oil, lemon, salt and pepper. Yum!

I hope you like this video posted above. There is something so heartening and beautiful about sharing the raw, faltering, painful! first steps of learning something entirely new, giving birth to a new language for the soul to express itself through. It’s like…wet clay in my hands…

It’s all about soul today dear hearts!

And now that I am thinking all about soul ~ it occurs to me I AM a soul. I don’t HAVE a soul.

What would you like to learn all brand new and shining?

and hey! my beautiful (and soulful) friend Jillian is have a soulful giveaway! ~ here!!!

xoxo

Maddie

one more thing…

I woke up this morning OH! I had the most magical dream and it was the last dream closest to awakening so I woke up so blessed with this strange gift…anyway… I dreamt that this friend I knew years ago who moved away called me out of the blue. When I was speaking to him on my cell phone I was standing in a balcony of a courtyard and suddenly all these couples below held hands and began to float to this lilting music up into the air right in front of me on the balcony. My friend on the phone asked if we could meet for luch and in this perfect time travel sort of convenient way we were vaulted to that very courtyard below ordering french fries from a stand. And we talked and talked and ate french fries laughing I cannot remember why and then…of course…we began to float up as well.

Wow!!!! What a way to wake UP!!!

this is how I feel today ~ found HERE

I am compelled to tell you this was the most disarmingly delightful weekend. Darlene, Duke and Kristen were in town and I invited some friends over for such a beautiful gathering Saturday night at my house. Vegetarian chili, rustic garlic loaves and lots of red wine for the silly exuberance you see in this film. Vanilla icecream, raspberries and a whole jar of Trader Joe’s caramel sauce disappeared with remarkable speed while Darlene hooped everyone into a trace in the garden by the crackling evening fire. I fell in love with canary yellow clouds (oh my god, so beautiful), thrifted violet aviator glasses, my new teal bikini and staggering poppies growing everywhere along the beach lanes.

Oh, and I am incredibly pumped to announce that Duke and Lawrence taught me seven chords on the guitar and I am practicing like a woman obsessed. Seven chords and the truth. Quite good I might add…a lot of natural soul and passion to make up for the lack of fingering dexterity at this point. Soon I think I will make a little flip film and share my progress with you ~ fair warning!

I am sleepy this evening but in such a contented and alert way if this makes any sense at all. There is quite a beautiful animated glow in my soul ~ I love everyone and everything with unbridled joy.

It feels …well,

m a g i c a l.

Right now…I am thinking about planning a road trip to Snoqualmie falls. I am also thinking about blackberry pie and crabcakes.

(And champagne.)

xoxo

Maddie

pssssssst!! ‘the four’ ~ is a stunner this week!!!

‘Creativity is not simply about being artistic or able to make beautiful objects, but about living creatively. We may be totally unable to wield a paintbrush, use colour well, write poetry or prose, cook, sew or produce other handicrafts, yet be creative in living. We may be problem-solvers, good at relationships and mediation, inspired home-makers, appreciators of beauty or nature, in tune with incarnation, or skilled in the art of compromise and creative decision-making. The creative person maintains an ability to play, is not afraid to take risks, sustains a belief in magic, and delights in a sense of wonder.

The child is alive and nurtured within.

~ Ruth White

I have been thinking quite a bit about creativity lately. Well, next to l o v e…it is my favorite subject:) One thing that comes up again and again in my ArT of living cheerfully online course is a question regarding creativity. It seems that the most asked question is “If I am not creative, can I still enroll in the class? Deep inside me is a desire to be creative…but I don’t know how. I don’t paint, I am not a photographer, I can’t dance or sing or anything at all like that.’

Which is why I posted the quote I adore so much in this post you see above. It is what I spoke about in one of my guest curator segments for Crescendoh here.…and something I feel so very very deeply about.

I do not SET OUT to put my art (whatever that may be) on the STAGE. It begins as a pure and meteoric response from the universe ~ like an arrow shooting straight through my soul which I am moved to translate into something…anything. It does not have to be a photograph, or a poem, a song or a film…it just may be my deep and joyfilled breaths that move through my lungs as I lay in the fields staring up into the sky. It may be my softly closed eyes as I rest on the porch off my studio in the warmth of the evening sun. Then again, it may be the market raspberries tossed happily into the feta tortilla I make for my children’s supper. Really, truly…anything at all.

Expressing the positive, the beautiful, the hopeful and affirmative joy of living beautifully. Expanding awareness as my heart grows.

I am so curious, please share with me! What did you create, celebrate, respond passionately to today?

and guess what! I am completely over the moon to introduce my beautiful friend Susan Tuttle for the ‘fly on the wall’ guest spot today. I am deeply honored to be contributing a poem and my polaroids to her new, upcoming photography/mixed media book she is co~authoring with Chrysti Hydeck. Susan is a beautiful spirit and you will be enthralled with her post here today:) aaaand I can’t stand how cute she is here….

xoxo

Maddie