‘We must be willing to get rid of the life planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.’

~ Joseph Campbell ~

there was a time I had quite the broken heart.

well, there have been a few times actually, not many, but a few

but this one was different

because my heart was broken IN the relationship with this particular boyfriend which never quite sat well with me as you can imagine

so one day I said ‘that’s enough of that’

and I sent him on his way

I must confess that it was harder than it sounds

but deep down inside I really felt like I was doing something I was meant to be doing all along

So now I had a broken heart all by myself and the ‘future’ which was once before me completely evaporated in a devastating landslide

it was scary but I don’t think as scary as being IN a relationship with a broken heart

what can I say? after he left I remember

crying a lot

drinking red wine a lot

reading a lot of sad poetry

writing a lot of bad poetry

and sometimes thinking ‘what’s the use’

as I limped along my crooked little path

I was pretty miserable.

then

it’s hard to say when exactly

but eventually I began to get quite a bit tired of this and said “that’s enough of that’ (again)

and I started doing beautiful things instead of staying home and crying

and this is my favorite part of my little story

there was learning to play the guitar

and writing funny little sonnets

and singing

and dancing on rooftops

and wonderful, funny, kind and creative new friends

and steadfast, understanding and funny, creative old friends

bicycling along the canal

and even an unexpected and very lovely kiss

I made lists of things I wanted to do

and then did other things instead

I also remember wearing a lot of skirts and t~shirts in various amarinthe hues

I fell down

and got back up

and every now and then I would look back

(but not for long)

because i was flowing along like water over river stones

‘go to the light!’ my friend Lily would say ‘keep going towards the light!‘

I even began to fall in love again

with everyone and everything

(mostly with myself come to think about it, but in that good, most necessary way)

I was so happy!

I AM happy.

I LIVED my way into the happiness.

The other day my friend Amanda and i were pondering things together and I told her I was open, vulnerable and hopeful for love. I told her there was so much learning in life and so little time. And she, in all her sweet and wonderful wisdom said to me….

‘that is why we must
keep moving
keep loving
keep growing
keep going’

xoxo

Maddie

REEL TIME!!!

so good!!

even better!!!

this morning I was working on a photoshoot on the beach for Sarah Rayner’s new book and these rather unexpected visitors flew past laughing and waving!

‘Do not try to be anything
but what you are,
and try to be that
perfectly.’

~ St Francis ~

I am…

humming
afterwards
a constellation (rowing)
shy lightening
bells and bread
greenleaves
a waterfall (reaching)
held
feeling in love with
everything
holding
a piece of sheet music
wearing a crown
of bees and trumpets
reaching (thousandfold)
diamond strong
calling
(answering)
mortal, magic
any sea, any song
returning
experiencing
multiple enthusiasms,
syllables of sky,
and
speechlessness

all exiled together

oh, but first…

I am

beginning (again)

xoxo

Maddie

the moment captured you see above reminds me of this film which is one of my daughter’s favorites:)

and did you ever see this film? so good:)

Don’t you just love love LOVE snail mail? I am quite the snail mail junkie and absolutely relish sending off hand written letters and little found gifts via the post. Just this week I finally started sending off the music cd’s I made for a trade and other various letters to dear friends with feathers enclosed from walks on the beach. I almost went mad when the post went on strike a few weeks ago.

Anyway.

You will be enchanted. This week I received a lovely letter from my friend Elizabeth and she sent me the oh~so~sweet original typed poem you see above. And this is what she penned to me about that very same poem…

‘Maddie!!!

Lots of love,
Elizabeth

I more than savored this…simply holding the typed (TYPED!!!) poem in my hands changed me in some lovely and delicate way I simply cannot describe. A strange and beautiful wistfulness permeated that little poem. It was such an honor to receive his wandering words of love from my thoughtful friend Elizabeth. True ardor is the very best gift! Seriously though, I am so curious who the woman is that inspired this ode to love…I wish I could meet him and ask him oh, a hundred questions:)…by the way, remember this scene?

It’s Friday sweetpeas! I am going to a belly dancing party this weekend with my friends and needless to say will be having quite a lot of fun picking out my costume. It’s lovely to be given the opportunity to dress up in sexy attire and swivel my hips around to music all night long. There is a strong possibility we might henna our hands as well so perhaps I will have some pictures to share next week.

And ohhhhhhh…you must listen to this...it took my breath away from the first delicious pluck of string and movement of her moon eclipsed voice. Some gorgeous dancin’ on my soulbones here. Please don’t pass this by!!! Aaaaaaaand…the gorgeously talented Bonnie M Smith has started a blog exploring her creative process ~ it has a fabulous title ‘hand eye diary’ go see!

Buckets of happiness for everyone this weekend!

Maddie

ps ~ I am a little bewildered but there are only 11 spots left in my ‘wonder of seeing’ photography class for SEPTEMBER!! Woooot!!! thank you!!!

xoxo

~ photo by Tess Frances Herzog ~

‘We live in a world that needs more soul, more meaning. We, as conscious beings, have, as our primary responsibility, at this time in human history, the task of bringing soul into the world, or releasing soul into the world. We do this, first of all, in ourselves and in our own personal world; then we do it in our groups – including family; then we do it in our society through our work, relationships and presence there.’

~ Andrew Schneider ~

I need to share something with you.

Last night, when I returned home from my mountain road trip with my daughter Tess, she found this tender little bird on the path by the front door. I picked it up so gently and cradled it in my hands, an unfathomable thrumming ache pulsing through my heart, hot quiet tears streaming down my face. And I couldn’t put it down for some reason. I remembered my friend Denise’s words when she said that it was such a sad and beautiful honor to hold a dead bird.

My garden is filled with birds that love to sing in the cherry and apple trees, flying around with a joyful reverence that completely uplifts each and every one of my days. And each and every one of those mornings at 4:27 a.m., one single trilling bird wakens me to such a soft yet enthusiastic birdsong from my dreamy slumbers. I wondered if this little bird was my morning bird that helped me begin each day with such sweet joy.

And here I hesitate to continue to write for some reason.

Perhaps I am afraid my clumsy words will not do justice to the message of my little bird. For, while holding this little bird (which was not curled up in surrender but stretched out, chest held high to the world,) I recognized myself somehow. In that tiny body cradled in my hands I felt longing and missing, hopes and dreams, finding and leaving and losing, sorrow and rapture.

In the unfathomable ache in my heart I also felt a soft murmur of reminding and even a whisp of fear.

My fear of counting for nothing in this world one day when I pass on from my earthly body.

And those words are very hard to write, to share with you since this fear is not truly quite fully fathomed as I type this. And fear, as everyone knows, is the opposite of love.

I want to love BIG. Examining the gifts of my life, I am blessed with an abundance of love around me. My little bird reminded me with such a swelling pang how much I love my family, my children, my friends, my pets.

One life is such a short time for love.

It really is.

Echo. One life is such a short time for love.

Today I have a song to sing in honor of my little bird. More love. More song. More soul. More beauty. More joy.

I want to increase all these energies in the world each and every moment I am blessed to spend time here on earth.

More love. More song. More soul. More beauty. More joy.

xoxo

Maddie

today…some joy on ‘reel time’…and celebrations on ‘words to shoot by’…and the song of the day

a song my daughter played me on our roadtrip together:)

*photo of maddie and the little bird by Tess Herzog*

The truth is (I love starting blog posts with this line)…the truth is I am pining. A bit. Well, actually that is not true. I am pining a LOT. My weekend in Seattle hanging out with the vivacious couple you see above was completely fantastic. Right now I am sitting in my studio with the door open off my little deck (the chili pepper lights have been on since I woke up at 5 a.m) drinking an entire french press of mexican coffee and feeling quite sorry for myself.

I miss them. I mean, look at them! Are they not completely one hundred percent adorable? Ben is so warmhearted and funny (in a dry, quick way) a fabulous cook, a delightful and gifted musician…and a lover.

A lover of Wynia to be exact who is…breathtaking, passionate and an imaginative artist, a force of soul driven energy that lights up a room before she even arrives and one of the most generous woman I know. Generous with everything…her time, her clothes…her smile, her ideas and her heart. She gives love away every second of every day.

Oh! and getting back to the region of imagination she is the most awesome designer of the bubble wrap dress.

See for yourself.

Saturday was the Fremont Solstice parade which just happens to go right past Wynia’s studio where she managed to have an open house party all day long and well into the evening. There were endless bottles of champagne, food, laughter and bins of costumes just in case you forgot to wear one and felt left out.

If you click on this link to Reel time you can see my video of the parade but I have to warn you the clip has a lot of naked people riding bicycles. Which I have a feeling you are going to love. I did.

I found a costume as well.

But it was the hat that that grabbed me.

I am very fond of hats.

Wynia and Ben have a magical little apartment just down the street from the studio with a secret garden. But they let me sleep in the studio. It has a LOFT!!! Just like the studio’s on Prince street in New York. No bedroom exactly. But much much better.

So.

Late, late into the night after all the partying was over,I climbed up these funny little stairs to the loft which was filled with books and odd collectibles, baskets of honey bee wax and a cozy bed heaped with vintage bedspreads. It was heaven. I fell asleep listening to the happiest music drifting along from the cafe down the street.

In the morning I puttered down those said stairs to the kitchen, made myself some coffee, a platter of cheese and olives and baguette. I sat in the studio and wrote in my journal, downloaded some films and watched the early morning world buzz right by the front door.

It was bliss.

And I don’t use that word often. Then Ben and Wynia and Rhubin showed up and we had more coffee and hugged and chatted and I felt so warm and happy and sparkly ~ just like a bosa nova band now that I think about it.

I know what you are thinking. That it couldn’t get much better than this.

But it did.

drummmmmmmmmmmmmmmrooooollllllllllllllllllllllll please!

Because!!! When Wynia and I were walking Rhubin by the canal along comes the brilliant, positively MAGICAL Amanda Ford!! Yes! And I have the picture to prove it!!

We went for coffee together at e.t.g. coffee on 36th avenue.

I know. There has been a lot of coffee in this post.

I cried when I met Amanda. For real. Burst straight into tears and we leapt into each others arms. I seriously love this woman.

Anyway.

You can see why I am pining.

Maybe you can even see why I might have to move to Seattle one day.

I am thankFUL. For these friends, for the weekend which was sooo good for my soul. For the abundance of love and joy and magic in my life.

Amen!

xoxo

Maddie

WAIT!!!!!

one more thing!

Ben! rehearsing in the studio behind the studio if that makes any sense at all…

My girlfriend Catherine came over this weekend. I love this girl so much. She always brings gifts. Which is not why I love her but it certainly is delightful nonetheless. This time it is was a Trader Joe’s swiss chocolate bar and oatmeal/aniseed hand made soap. (my bathroom smells so wonderful!) We went for a walk on Crescent beach and chatted nonstop until we realized it was 1:30 in the morning and the wine was all gone. (and the chocolate too come to think about it)

My entire weekend was filled with exquisite moments and lots of laughter, little bees and sonnets.

Yesterday morning for example I got up very very (very!) early, slipped on sandals, a skirt, a pale pink sleeveless top and wandered down to the local coffee shop. It was a pretty ‘wander’…the lane was scattered with poppy petals and the fading scent of lilacs and even strawberries for some odd reason. One cottage had green shutters.

I ordered a double caffè macchiato and chocolate croissant and sat on the wooden steps out front in the sunshine scoping all the seapeople arriving with picnic baskets and yellow pails and paisley blankets. Little bees bumped against my bare knees and everyone said ‘good morning’ (still sleepy) as the deck filled up with newspapers and small dogs and beautiful exclamations for the perfect summer day (and all the while the sky kept opening up above, golden)

Oh, I must have been there for almost two hours! My skin has a soft caramel glow and the first constellation of freckles are appearing.

I love coffee shops.

They sing to my bones.

Later I sat out on the little balcony off of my studio penning hand written letters to friends….moving my chili pepper lights around and listening to this album and thinking. A lot of distance was covered in my heart and I practiced the guitar…tidal ebbs undulating through my voice as I sang like a passion flower unfurling.

I cannot remember ever being happier.

What are you up to this week dear hearts?

xoxo

Maddie

~sketchbook journal entry, Sunday April 24, 2011 ~

Maddie

shot for my collaboration with Darlene on Reel Time ~ you simply must pop by and see Darlene’s film ~ I LOVE it!!!

Isn’t this video so lovely? I went with Kristen down to Commerical drive (my favorite part of Vancouver) to get her tattoo at Katia’s Rainfire studio. You can hear Kristen chatting away with Katie on the voice track. Katia inked the most beautiful tattoo of an octopus with a sabre on Kristen’s hip to match her sister’s tattoo. I was deeply honored to witness this (painful!) experience listening to music, sipping tea in the company of such rare and lovely lighthearted company. I had been a bit mopey this week since I couldn’t make it to New York to attend the FOot opening (I have a few pieces in the show) at the Oo gallery but hanging out with Kristen and Katie lifted my spirits very much.

If you are in New York go see the exhibit! ~ Kevin Paulsen has a brilliant line up of artists contributing to this wonderful exhibit including one of my favorite’s Denise Orzo. You can see some of the work on the Oo facebook page here.

today…

reel time
words to shoot by

Happy EAster Monday lovelies! ♥ ♥ ♥

~ portrait by my beautiful soul friend Darlene Kreutzer, at the Granville Island hotel ~ (gypsy wraps by Julie Bartel)

This weekend I surrounded myself with lovers, my tribe, my soul friends. Lovers of creativity, of the sky, of music, of the written word, the spoken poem and rice balls. Lovers of the echoing laughter of friendship celebrating a surprise birthday party for Suvarna and oh golly! did we ever have such a glorious time together. I have to say I am not very good at keeping surprises though, somehow if someone is going to blurt it out and give it all away, well, that would be me:) But I managed to keep it a secret even as Darlene and Duke were flying in on a plane from Edmonton, even as I wrapped gifts with gently placed feathers to adorn them, even as we drove to the Our Town Cafe where we pretended to go ‘for coffee.’ But there was much more waiting of course than a mere cup of coffee. There were friends, family and live music, wine and cake and the euphoric energy and babble of a joyous gathering eager to celebrate a milestone of a birthday for such a dearhearted woman.

At the end of the weekend it suddenly occured to me that the midnight of my sorrow was over in my life. (please allow me to be just a little dramatic:) Once again, my soul went deeper than I ever realized it was even willing to go and an angel emerged from all that was so quiet, and deafeningly still. The mould shattered and in a shower of phosphorescence I unfurled my delicate and startling new wings. This is Grace. Surrendering to the paradox of miracles sensing that the only way out is thorugh. And all along there was divine guidance. Fire does not burn, it purifies.

I thought about that this morning in the Sunflower cafe as I ordered my soya~chai latte. Miracles are always at play in our lives ~ how many times can we evolve? There is no limit. How fast can our lives change, can we walk a tightrope from the dark of night back into the sunlight? In the blink of an eye, I say. Contrary winds do not shake me from my roots, no pressure will crack my dancing spirit. It is humbling to my heart how vast our own uniqueness truly is and how looked after and protected we truly are by the Universe.

Still. Within me I carry the burnt moth, the sorrow of loss, the fear of never, the deafening silence of alone. And that is alright. My art is born of all things and the euphoria of re~emergence, of a brand new pair of wings is all the more astonishing for this. I dare. I dare to live an extraordinary life. And I will continue to give love because that is who I am. And yes. I love that about myself:)

This weekend I am completely excited to go to the Paul Simon concert in Seattle with my lovely friend ~ I will also be visiting a new friend’s art glass studio and writing my book up in my own studio. (I have a story to tell and it wants to come out:)

this is so beautiful…this man makes me cry….and honored to share any time with dear Vivienne…and one more more more! I’d rather go blind than be misunderstood.

oh…what? Oh! yes! You wanted to hear all about the rice balls!!! Allow me to oblige.

Oh. And also. I am so sorry, completely behind about 300 emails ~ catching up by tomorrow in case you have sent one ~ Gah!!!

Happiest of mornings to you all!

xoxo

Maddie

I just realized there are a lot of links in this post! Right ON!!!

This gorgeous Sunday morning I had Lee’s donuts with my coffee while writing in my journal. I picked up a lovely assortment at the Granville Island market after working on the next entry for ‘words to shoot by‘.( my new banner is actually a sneak preview of tomorrow’s offering.) Apparently I am gifted in the art of donut consumption as well as living cheerfully. I love them.

It is Sunday, my favorite day of the week and I am feeling so beautifully wonderful. Which is just one of the many tiny miracles in my life lately. Really, it is so hard to imagine that my year began with me feeling uncertain, deeply sad and looking in a completely new direction in my life. Delicate, tightly furled in my cocoon. The word ‘closed’ comes to my mind as I type these words and yet it doesn’t feel quite right to me ~ because throughout this time something in me remained open, hopeful, even graceFUL. And I love that about myself. There is a light that never goes out, a vital energy I draw strength from trusting my inner compass that insists on living an extraordinary life. Tugging at the best of me.

The immensity of this journey is a work of art in itself. I guess my life is a work of art and like a work of art is never truly finished but simply rests in remarkable places for a while. And this feels sacred to me, even the dark places as seeds metamorphosize into something astonishing over time. Because you have to have faith, faith in yourself, in your dreams, in your intuition, in the love which abides in you. And choose happiness, even while the snow falls softly all around. I am good at choosing happiness…there is poetry everywhere and I have a knack for finding it. I am also good at giving love and keeping on.

There is much movement in my life, I can barely contain my joy. I am feeling such verve! And some good news I would love to share with you. I have been invited to participate in the ‘fOot‘ exhibit at the Oo Gallery in New York in April!!! Two hundred exclamation points here needed. It’s important to mention I have never been invited to show in a gallery in New York so I have to go ‘Hey!’ proudly. I have been dancing around the house in fits and starts and then alternately flinging myself onto the couch, pen in hand contemplating images for the show. And yes, feeling completely jazzed asKevin Paulsen has such a strong line~up of artists contributing and I want to honor his leap of faith in me. There is a lovely article on the gallery here….

I am hoping you will pop by on Monday as I am giving away a spot in Jamie’s ‘Sparkles’ course of which I am so delighted to be included as one of the teachers. All you have to do is leave a comment on Monday’s post and I will draw and announce the winner on Thursday. And hey, I will also include one of my original polaroids as well:)

Happy Sunday! ( and a perfect Sunday song just for you)

xoxo

Maddie

This morning the clouds were spilling from the heavenly blue skies. I made a french press of very strong coffee, poached eggs and rye toast with caraway. Put on a warm sweater and walked around my garden, admiring all the unimaginable magnificence of Spring ‘greenly leaping’. So sexy, entirely orchidaceous, bold and radiant. Prancing around my world like a glorious stripper. (Spring that is, not me! ~ at least not quite yet:)

I am completely charmed with this photo you see above taken by one of the most beautifully wonderful people in the world. My friend Vivienne snapped it the other morning when she came over to visit. We took pictures on the beach, recorded an interview I am so honored to have included in her self portrait e~course and went out to lunch. At the Sunflower cafe which is just down the street where I live and has the best beet/carrot/apple/ginger juice and Indian lentil soup. Just in case you are ever in my part of town you won’t want to miss this charming cafe, it is seriously one of the true delights of the neighborhood.

Anyway, back to Vivienne. Vivienne took such lovely shots of me, if I do say so myself. Photo’s I can live happily with which is saying a lot since I am not an easy woman to photograph. Not to sound arrogant or anything but they turned out brilliantly if only because she is quite the gifted photographer. Viv made me twirl a lot which was fun ~ until I got a bit queasy anyway. I can’t wait to see the other photo’s she took as she is working on a ‘persisting star’ theme for me on one of them. And this photo you see above is my favorite. See the funny way I cross my feet? I found that so touching as my father always used to do this with his feet. When I noticed this detail it made my heart swell so much. I miss him.

Speaking of springtime and sexy, I have this beautiful piece of writing to share with you…I think you are going to love it. Perfect for Springtime!

It’s really a very beautiful exchange of values when women put their clothes on in the morning and she is brand-new and you’ve never seen her put her clothes on before.

You’ve been lovers and you’ve slept together and there’s nothing more you can do about that, so it’s time for her to put her clothes on.

Maybe you’ve already had breakfast and she’s slipped her sweater on to cook a nice bare-assed breakfast for you, padding in sweet flesh around the kitchen, and you both discussed in length the poetry of Rilke which she knew a great deal about, surprising you.

But now it’s time for her to put her clothes on because you’ve both had so much coffee that you can’t drink any more and it’s time for her to go home and it’s time for her to go to work and you want to stay there alone because you’ve got some things to do around the house and you’re going outside together for a nice walk and it’s time for you to go home and it’s time for you to go to work and she’s got some things that she wants to do around the house.

Or … maybe it’s even love.

But anyway: It’s time for her to put her clothes on and it’s so beautiful when she does it. Her body slowly disappears and comes out quite nicely all in clothes. There’s a virginal quality to it. She’s got her clothes on, and the beginning is over.

—Richard Brautigan -

There is so much movement in my life, I can barely focus lately to eat, let alone breathe it seems. I am sweeping my life onto a canvas and have so much to share with you ~ on Sunday, please come visit on Sunday! xoxo

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand!!! Oh I have such a fabulous, FABULOUS new ‘fly on the wall’ with the painting master himself, Kevin Paulsen. To say his work moves me is an understatement. There is a profound spiritual, otherworldness to his paintings that I find profoundly emotive ~ his art deeply strikes an old soul chord within. Have a look for yourself. You will be enchanted.

with love and fireflies wearing crowns of cherry blossoms

xoxo

Madelyn